By Casey Tokeshi
As an average student, I need clubs to be that final push to get me out of the valley of zeroes and red slashes I stayed up all night for. And on a fateful Wednesday lunch spent meandering the halls, I heard the familiar faint shouts and slaps of shoes bustling on stiff concrete: Club Day. Lost and a bit scared even as a seasoned junior, I am accosted by students imploring that I join their club. Thoughts flood my overwhelmed cranium as I clutch my books and run away. Here are some thoughts that an “unclub” student may be thinking.
5. What club did I just sign up for?
There are so many people yelling and screaming. My phone number is all over these loose pages and promises. I don’t even like the club I’m pretty sure. I promised I wouldn’t be pressured into this but I gave in again. Okay, people really need to stop screaming at me; I’m already drowning in this crowd of youths.
4. Where is the candy?
The fact is that clubs need to bribe people to sign their unfaithfulness away. What has society done to me? But, I mean, I’m a growing teenager who needs nutrition, albeit poor nutrition. Baked goods are acceptable, too, but if I am not in a complete sugar rush by the end of this, none of my efforts will have been anywhere near fruitful.
Heal The Bay? More like Heal The Bae. Oh wait, just kidding, that’s the club next to it.
2. Do people really care about this?
Maybe I am a horrible person who makes the world a little worse, but do these people actually care about stuff they’re advertising? I heard shady deals going on behind those fold-in tables, talking of a signature for a commitment to put on the notorious college application. I personally have fallen into the dregs of high school morality and don’t know (or frankly care) what beach I have to clean up or what books I have to donate. I must get into college. This is a survival of the fittest, and my application can’t look as empty as it actually is.
1. Finally, something I like.
One gold nugget amidst the dirt. Something that I can actually stick to! Finally, this journey can be complete.
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